Jokes Gallery

Share your favourite jokes here!

A Sardar goes to a TV shop (just like blonde jokes in america, chuchka jokes in russia, in india there are sardar jokes)

Sardar: Do you have colour TVs?

Salesman: Yes sir.

Sardar: Give me a green one.

Leave Applications;)

· Infosys, Bangalore: An employee applied for leave as follows:
"Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave."
· This is from Oracle Bangalore: >From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:
"as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.."
· Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:
"as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."
· From H.A.L. Administration Dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave."
· Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"
· An incident of a leave letter:
"I am suffering from fever, please declare one-day holiday."
· A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"
· Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."
· Covering note:
"I am enclosed herewith..."
· Another one:
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..."
· Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".
· Letter writing:-
"I am well here and hope you are also in the same well."
· A candidate's job application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post.

Extra Marital affairs....I bet u'll laugh till u drop


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The 1st Affair:

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.

One day they went her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.

The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.

He put on his shoes and drove home.

"Where have you been?" his wife demanded.

"I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon."

"You lying bastard!

You've been playing golf!"

The 2nd Affair:

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son.

They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.

The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.

The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.

He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.

He told his wife, "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?"

The wife smiled sweetly and replied, "Not this time!"

The 3th Affair:

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.

"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."

She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.

"Don't move until I tell you," she said. "Pretend you're a statue."

"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.

"Oh it's a statue." she replied. "The Smith's bought one and I liked it so much I got one for us, too."

No more was said, not even when they went to bed.

Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.

"Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smith's and nobody offered me a damned thing."

The 4th Affair:

A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.

"Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent."

"One Cent?" the man thought.

He glanced at the menu and asked, "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?"

"A nickel," the barman replied.

"A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"

The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife."

The man asked, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"

The bartender replied,

"The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."

The 5th Affair:

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.

He looked up and said weakly, "I have something I must confess."

"There's no need to," his wife replied.

"No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"

"I know, I know," she replied. "Now just rest and let the poison work."

Check this out.... It Really Worked with me.... Will work with u too...

Here you have a great chance to know about yourself like your character etc. without spending any money. This test was devised by oxford university. It tells about your personality just by your choice. So know yourself & enjoy

Here it is.....

Imagine you walked into a small hut by the river in the jungle. You pushed open the door, in front of you were 7 small beds to the right of the hut,and another 7 small chairs surrounding a small round table. In the middle of the table was a round food tray with 5 kinds of fruit in it.
There are:
a. Apple
b. Banana
c. Strawberry
d. Peach
e. Orange

Which fruit will u choose?
Your choice reveals about u! Pls be very Honest to yourself.....
& Now scroll down for results:

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TEST RESULTS:
Here are the results.
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a. if you chosen apple: that means you are a person who loves to eat Apple
b. if you chosen banana: that means you are a person who loves to eat Banana
c. if you chosen strawberry: that means you are a person who loves to eat Strawberry
d. if you chosen peach: that means you are a person who loves to eat Peach
e. if you chosen orange: that means you are person who loves to eat Orange

Note: If u r hunting for me to punch me.....Well...I am busy hunting for the person who sent me this!!!!!

North Indian Girl Vs South Indian Girl

******WHAT IT MEANS TO HAVE A North Indian GIRL as WIFE***********

1. At the time of marriage, a north Indian girl has more boyfriends than her age.

2. Before marriage, she looks almost like a bollywood heroine and after marriage you have to go around her twice to completely hug her.

3. By the time she professes her undevoted love to you, you are bankrupt because of the number of times you had to take her out to movie

theatres and restaurants. And you wait longingly for her dowry.

4. The only dishes she can think of to cook is paneer butter masala, aloo sabji, aloo gobi sabji, aloo matar, aloo paneer, that after eating

all those paneer and aloos you are either in the bed with chronic cholestrol or chronic gas disorder.

5. The only growth that you see later in your career is the rise in your monthly phone bill.

6. You are blinded by her love that you think that she is a blonde. Only later do you come to know that it is because of the mehandhi that she

applies to cover her gray hair.

7. When you come home from office she is very busy watching "Kyonki saas bhi kabi bahu thi" that you either end up eating outside or

cooking yourself.

8. You are a very "ESpecial" person to her.

9. She always thought that Madras is a state and covers the whole of south india until she met you.

10. When she says she is going to "work out" she means she is going to "! walk out"

11. She has greater number of relatives than the number of people you have in your home town.

12. The only two sentences in English that she knows are "Thank you" and "How are you"

13. She thinks Govinda can dance better than Michael Jackson.

******WHAT IT MEANS TO HAVE A South Indian GIRL as WIFE***********

1.Her mother looks down at you because you didn't study in IIT or Madras / Anna University .

2. Her father starts or ends every conversation with " ... I say..."

3. She shudders if you use four letter words.

4. She has long hair, neatly oiled and braided (The Dubai based Oil Well Company will negotiate with her on a 25 year contract to extract

coconutoil from her hair.)

5. She uses the word 'Super' as her only superlative.

6. Her name is another name for a Goddess or a flower.

7. He! r first name is longer than your first name, middle name and surname combined (unless you are from Andhra)

8. When she mixes milk/curd and rice you are never sure whether it is for the Dog or for herself.

9. For weddings, she sports a mini jasmine garden on her head and wears silk saris in the Madras heat without lookin! g too uncomfortable

while you are melting in your singlet.

10. She thinks Mohan Lal is the sexiest man alive.

11. Her favourite cricketer is Krishnamachari Srikkanth.

12. Her favourite food is dosa though she has tried North Indian snacks like Chats (pronounced like the slang for 'conversation')

13. She bursts into songs with her cousins in every movie.

14. She bores you by telling you which raaga each song you hear is based on.

15. You have to give her jewellery, though she has already got plenty of it ..

16. Her thali (Mangal Sutra) weighs more than the championship belts worn by WWF wrestlers.

17. She is more educated than you.

18. Her father thinks she is much smarter than you..

Two horses

(Santa and Banta are two Sardar friends and there are many jokes of their adventures)

Santa and Banta had just bought two horses. Now the problem was that they could not differenciate between the two horses.

So Santa cuts the left ear of his horse, so that it is easy to know that it is his horse. While doing so, an enemy of Santa saw him and he cuts the left ear of Banta's horse.

Again Santa and Banta couldnt differentiate. So, Santa cuts his horse's right ear but again the enemy does the same to Banta's horse. So Santa keeps cutting various parts and likewise the enemy kept cutting parts of Banta's horse till both their horses had no more parts to cut.

So, after thinking and putting lots of effort to thier mind, Santa said,

"Okay, you keep the black one and i will keep the white."

Good ones!

Q: Why are there only snowmen and no snowomen?

A: Because only men are stupid enough to stand out in the snow all Winter.

One golfer tells another: "Hey, guess what! I got a set of golf clubs for my wife!"

The other replies: "That's a great trade!"

Email Ids...
AbhishekBacchan: I_can_act_too@yuva.com

AmitabhBacchan: accept_any_role@after.kaunbanegacrorepati.tv

AnilKapoor: expert@copyingsouthindianmovies.com

SalmanKhan: why_do_I_always_get_into_trouble@needagirlfriend.com

ShahRukhKhan: over_emotions@mostmovies.com

RamGopalVarma: same_formula@bombayunderworld.co.in

AamirKhan: whats_up_with_the_hairstyle@mangalpande.com

AamirKhan(alternateaddress): married_or_not@toomanyaffairs.com

SaifAliKhan: goofy_roles@suitsmeperfect.com

HritikRoshan: main_aisa_kyon_hoon@howtheheckdoweknow.com

HritikRoshan(alternateaddress): main_aisa_kyon_hoon@askyourdad.com

AjayDevgan: finally_I_started_to_act@aftersomanyyears.com

BobbyDeol: noone_thinks_I_can_act@getanotherjob.com

Urmila: ramgopalvarma_has_forgotten_me@nomorerangeela.com

MallikaSherawat: I_dont_need_to_act@overexposureworks.com

AmishaPatel: Kaho_na_pyaar_hai@wasmyonlyhit.com

KareenaKapoor: oh_iam_so_cute_and_talented@nobodyelsethinksso.com

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TEACHER : What is the chemical formula for water?
PAPPU : "HIJKLMNO! "!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
PAPPU : Yesterday you said it's H to O !
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TEACHER : PAPPU, go to the map and find North America.
PAPPU : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now, class, who discovered America ?
CLASS : PAPPU!
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TEACHER : PAPPU, how do you spell "crocodile"?
PAPPU : "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER : No, that's wrong
PAPPU : Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
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TEACHER : PAPPU, give me a sentence starting with "I".
PAPPU : I is...
TEACHER : No, PAPPU. Always say, "I am."
PAPPU : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
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TEACHER : "Can anybody give an example of "COINCIDENCE?"
PAPPU : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."
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TEACHER : "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree,
but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish
him?"
PAPPU : "Because George still had the axe in his hand?"
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PAPPU : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
FATHER : No. Why do you ask that?
PAPPU: Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
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TEACHER : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots !
PAPPU: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair just like that at home.
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TEACHER : Now, PAPPU, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating ?
PAPPU: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
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TEACHER : PAPPU, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his ?
PAPPU: No, teacher, it's the same dog !
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TEACHER : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
PAPPU: A teacher
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Great jokes guys!!!

Adding one more...

Two girls were very good friends and loved to talk on the phone..
When they got married, they lived far away from each other...and the phone bill was going very high...
So their husbands decided to get them internet...
They started chatting on the net and later they used to call each other to discuss about the chat... ...no change in the phone bill...

When Dan found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with.

So, one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.

"I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her, "but in just a week or two, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."

Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening and, three days later, she became his stepmother.

Sardarji goes to the library and slams the book on the table and
complains ,"Too many characters no story!!"

Librarian ," so u are the idiot who took the telefone directory."

profiles in Shaadi.com

hi all....Ultimate.................I bet u can't stop laughing.

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- Hello To Viewers My Name is Sowmya , I am single i dont have male,If any one whant to marrie to me u can visite to my
home. I am not a good education but i working all field in
bangalore ..
if u like me u welcome to my heart...
when ever u whant to meet pls visit my resident or send u letter..

Thanks
yours Regards Sowmya ~*~
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i want very simple boy. from brahmin educated family from Orissa state she is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework ( Wut Homework?) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am a happy-go-lucky kind of person. Enjoys every moments of life.
I
love to make friendship. Becauese friendship is a first step of love. I am looking for my dreamboy who will love me more than i.
Because i love myself a lot. If u think that is u then why to late
come on ........hold my hand forever !!!
(The dilwale dulhaniya effect)
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